Ghosts S01e05 — Bd9
Beaumont is refined, condescending, and furious that Alberta (a famous 1920s chanteuse) died in "his" house before he did. "I reviewed your opening night at the Algonquin," he sniffs. "Two stars. You rushed the bridge." Alberta, who has never been more insulted, threatens to scat him into next Tuesday.
Beaumont, shaken, admits that he died before ever writing a rave review. His one fear: irrelevance. Alberta offers a truce: he can write a "review" of her afterlife performance. He scribbles furiously, then reads aloud: "Alberta Haynes... transcendent. Five stars. The acoustics of eternity suit her." ghosts s01e05 bd9
Isaac has secretly started a "Revolutionary War Fact-a-Day" Patreon using Sam’s laptop when she’s not looking. His first post: "Alexander Hamilton once cried because a turtle bit him." It goes viral. Suddenly, Isaac is getting fan mail. Nigel (the British ghost) finds out and challenges him to a "duel of wits" — each must deliver a historical lecture in the barn at midnight. The loser has to polish Nigel’s ghostly boots (an impossible task, but it's the principle). Beaumont is refined, condescending, and furious that Alberta
Sam, exhausted from B&B admin, falls asleep in the parlor armchair—Beaumont’s death spot. He possesses her. For five minutes, Sam (as Beaumont) walks into the kitchen where Jay is making pancakes and says, "These lack architectural integrity. The syrup-to-fluff ratio is a tragedy. Two stars." Jay is horrified. Sam wakes up with no memory, holding a fork like a conductor's baton. You rushed the bridge
The ghost of (guest star Paul F. Tompkins) manifests in the parlor: a fussy, mustachioed 1890s theater critic who died in the house during a dinner party after choking on a pickled egg. He carries a tiny, unbreakable notepad and a fountain pen that leaves no ink—but he pretends it does.
Isaac and Nigel’s lecture duel is interrupted by Beaumont, who possesses Jay (who fell asleep on the couch watching Great British Bake Off ). As Beaumont-Jay, he begins critiquing the duel: "Your vocal projection is flaccid, Captain. And Nigel, your sash says 'Rogues' but your posture says 'Actuarial.'"