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"I love it," she slurred, hiding her face behind a Hermès bag. "It stays on through depositions, DUI checkpoints, and screaming 'I am not a trainwreck' at paparazzi. But my lawyer said I can't say where I bought it."

By: Jezebel Vanity, Senior Celebrity Slant Correspondent

Just remember: With every swipe, you’re not just painting your pout. You’re signing the headline.

Dermatologists are baffled. "It doesn't chap your lips," says Dr. Feelgood of Beverly Hills. "It defames them. We’re seeing cases of acute character assassination on the Cupid’s bow." Is Model Tabloid Lipstik worth the $450 price tag (plus a signed NDA)? If you want a shade that screams "Don't talk to me unless you’re serving papers," absolutely.

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"I love it," she slurred, hiding her face behind a Hermès bag. "It stays on through depositions, DUI checkpoints, and screaming 'I am not a trainwreck' at paparazzi. But my lawyer said I can't say where I bought it."

By: Jezebel Vanity, Senior Celebrity Slant Correspondent

Just remember: With every swipe, you’re not just painting your pout. You’re signing the headline.

Dermatologists are baffled. "It doesn't chap your lips," says Dr. Feelgood of Beverly Hills. "It defames them. We’re seeing cases of acute character assassination on the Cupid’s bow." Is Model Tabloid Lipstik worth the $450 price tag (plus a signed NDA)? If you want a shade that screams "Don't talk to me unless you’re serving papers," absolutely.

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