My Hot Ass Neighbor 5 | NEWEST |

Dave wakes up at 5 AM — but not for yoga or a green smoothie. No, Dave starts his day with loud 80s rock and the smell of bacon grease drifting through his kitchen window. By 6 AM, he’s already mowing his lawn (yes, even on Sundays). His schedule is oddly consistent: garden hose battles with his rose bushes at 4 PM, power washing his driveway every Saturday without fail, and a nap in a hammock from 2–3 PM sharp.

Now, I actually look forward to seeing what he’ll do next. Last week, he built a life-sized cardboard castle. This morning? He’s teaching his dog to play the xylophone. my hot ass neighbor 5

So here’s to neighbors like Dave — the ones who remind us that lifestyle and entertainment don’t need to be Instagram-perfect. Sometimes, they just need a little bacon grease, a crow friend, and zero apologies. Dave wakes up at 5 AM — but